


The Many Complexities of Kylo Ren

by supersadface



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-27 21:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13257447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersadface/pseuds/supersadface
Summary: A few weeks after the events of The Last Jedi, Rey is in denial about a lot of things. She refuses to acknowledge that she cares for Ben Solo way too much for someone who is supposed to be his mortal enemy. They're not quite friends, obviously, but she doesn't hate him, even after all he's done. Will that be the end of it? Is there a future for Rey and Ben outside of being members of opposing causes, on opposite sides of the galaxy?Reylo is obviously the focus, but I love Finn/Poe too so that's gonna be sprinkled in all over the place. I'll update the tags, character list, and maybe? the rating as I go along. Spoilers for TLJ.





	1. A New Hope

Rey is trying desperately to pretend it isn’t bothering her, what happened with Kylo Ren. That everyone’s right – Ben Solo is dead, and the Supreme Leader of the First Order has none of the boy he used to be still in him. It _shouldn’t_ be bothering her, what happened with Kylo Ren. It wasn’t her fault that he’d chosen the dark side. 

After all…he had, hadn’t he? That’s what it seems like everyone’s been _saying_ happened, whispering about the way she’d gone to Ben, only to have him turn against her…except, no one was talking about how he’d saved her, or how confused and hurt he’d been when she refused to join him. Those things don’t matter…so why does she feel like they do? She sits, considering this in the main room of the Millennium Falcon, when suddenly all of the sound sucks out of the room and she isn’t alone. 

“I’m surprised to see that you’re still alive and well – I hear it’s pretty touch and go with the resistance these days. You know, since there aren’t very many of you left” Ben jokes coldly from across the room, where he stands with his arms crossed. 

The force bond hasn’t activated in a few weeks, meaning Rey hasn’t had any contact with Ben since the resistance’s hurried departure from Crait. Seeing him like this, seeing the way he resorts to petty jabs and callousness to mask the hurt any idiot could see in his eyes, ruins her a little bit in a place dangerously close to her heart. She definitely didn’t intend to get so emotionally invested in Ben Solo, but it appears it’s too late. 

“Your concern touches me, _Ben_. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to hear that thanks to your bumbling confrontation with Luke Skywalker’s decoy, the surviving members of the resistance all made it away from your militia relatively unharmed”. 

Her retort earns her a glare from the brooding Solo, and she shoots him a sarcastic smirk in return. She sees the way her smile briefly rattles him, sees his carefully constructed poker face slip for a moment to reveal all the suffering underneath, and guilt wells in her heart before she can stop it. But Rey can play this game, too. She’s hurt, too. She can see plain as day that their fight in Snoke’s throne room continues to injure him, and eventually he’ll give up the tough act and admit it. At least she hopes so – she’s been wrong about Ben before. Until then, she can put up just as strong a defense as he can. 

They continue to stare at each other, each defiantly refusing to speak first for what feels like hours but must only be minutes, until Ben explodes at her all at once in a burst of fury: 

“Why are we even here? Why are we still being brought together like this? Snoke is dead, and I have no interest in a _scavenger_ who refuses to let go of her _useless rebellion!"_

“Can the same not be said of you and the First Order, _Supreme Leader Kylo Ren?"_

“No, it can’t! Haven’t you been listening? I would abandon the First Order in a second to rule the galaxy with you! 

“Well, how privileged you are, that you have the luxury of being able to leave your cause at moment’s notice! Maybe _you_ could get in a TIE Fighter any time you choose and walk away from the First Order like it was nothing, knowing that with or without you they would continue to oppress the galaxy, and not care either way, but this has _stakes_ for me, Ben! If I were to just go and abandon my friends at their most dire moment, the resistance could cease to exist, and everyone I’ve come to know and love with it! I would know that people across the galaxy would be tortured and murdered and controlled by _your_ First Order and it would _kill_ me inside! The dark side may have relieved you of your sense of empathy, but I still have mine.” 

Rey’s voice cracks on the words _dark side_ and the tears welling in her eyes are dangerously close to falling as she levels her eyes with Ben’s. Saying all of that out loud for the first time brings to the surface all the emotion she has desperately been trying to suppress, and she feels horribly weak and stupid to be so vulnerable in front of him at a time like this. 

Ben sighs and looks down, eyebrows creasing as he thinks about what she’d said. 

“I know” he mutters, almost to himself, before the force bond breaks suddenly, leaving her thankfully alone as the first sobs of many break through her chest. 

She barely has a moment to note and scorn her slight disappointment at Ben’s disappearance before the tears are all she can think about. She supposes she’s crying for a lot of things. For Han Solo, and the broken man who’d killed him. For Leia, and how she must feel, losing her son, husband, and brother, yet continuing to fight. But she knows that mostly, she’s crying about what happened with Ben in Snoke’s throne room, and mourning everything that could have been, if that stubborn idiot had just come with her. 

She cries for what must be at least an hour, and then stands, fixes her hair and clothes to hide that she was just curled up sobbing in her bed, and walks out of the Falcon to find her friends. After all, there’s no better way to remind herself exactly what she’s fighting for than spending time with the people she loves. 

“What’s up, Jedi Master?” Poe asks as Rey turns the corner and finds him leaning against the threshold into the mess hall, grinning 

The resistance’s new “base” is really an old military fortress that used to belong to the Empire – it was seemingly forgotten when the First Order rose to power, and although aptly armed and secured, it holds enough dust to be a health hazard at this point. 

“I could ask the same of you, Fly Boy. What, you just lurk in doorways now, waiting to taunt people?” Rey retorts with a grin of her own. 

Poe scratches at the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact a little as his grin turns sheepish, “Well actually, I was sort of hoping to find Finn. I went to check on him in his room – you know, crashing in a speeder ain’t no joke, I’ve done it more than I’d like to admit – but he wasn’t in his room, so I figured… everyone’s gotta eat, right? He’ll have to pass by here eventually.” 

Rey’s heart could just melt, they’re so cute. 

“You guys are absolutely sickening! You’re so cute I can hardly take it.” 

Poe blushes, but replies coolly, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

He does, in fact, know exactly what she’s talking about, and he knows she knows it, too, but Rey decides to keep letting him pretend everyone in the resistance doesn’t know that Poe Dameron has a huge disgusting crush on Finn. I mean, c’mon, BB-8’s been blabbing about it to the whole base. 

“Alright, well if you could give up looking for your boyfriend for a few minutes, I’d really like some company while I eat” Rey requests. 

“I’m in, you go get some food and I’ll find us a table” Poe orders, pushing her in the direction of the dinner line as he passes her to search for their seats. 

Rey grins to herself; Poe always knows exactly how to cheer her up. She’s sure he can tell she’s been crying, and she’s grateful he decided to let it go for now. But no one can keep her safe from Finn. It’s a good thing Poe hasn’t found her best friend yet, because his upbringing with the First Order has emotionally stunted him just enough that he hasn’t quite developed skills such as “not smothering your friends with concern at the first sign of distress” or “not yelling about said distress loud enough to have the whole resistance knowing your business”. 

Finding Poe fairly easily at his table of choice, which suspiciously provides him with a great view of the cafeteria’s doorway, Rey sits down with her food and immediately chows down. 

“Whoa, kid, where’s the fire? You’re gonna choke!” Poe teases, only mostly kidding. 

Rey blushes and lifts her head from her food with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten since dinner yesterday…” 

Poe’s concern shows a little more openly on his face. “Rey, I don’t know if you missed this somehow, but you gotta eat. Like, regularly.” 

She gives him a reassuring smile, and says, “I know, I swear. I just… forgot, I guess. It won’t happen again.” 

“Sure, it won’t” Poe rolls his eyes. “What are we gonna do with you?” He teases smacking her playfully on the shoulder. 

“Shut up” she mutters with a grin, turning back to her meal, much slower than before. 

She’s really glad she’s had the chance to get closer to her friends in the last few weeks. After dinner with Poe she leaves him to search for Finn with a wink, and walks back towards her room. 

_See?_ She tells herself. _I don’t need Ben Solo. My friends here are all I need._

And she almost believes it, too, until she walks into her room and closes the door behind her, only to be immediately greeted with the force bond, and Ben’s disgruntled face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever so I'm super sorry in advance. I don't have an editor so if there's a typo or something let me know and I'll fix it! Also I'm a huge Star Wars fan, and I've seen all of the movies a billion times, but I haven't read any of the books or anything and I haven't, like, memorized every scene, so if something I write is glaringly canonically impossible and it's driving you crazy, let me know and I'll fix that, too! I have no idea if this is any good lmao. Feel free to DM me on instagram @Jeff_the_Slender if you wanna chat!


	2. A Talk Between Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a _little_ shorter than the last one, but there's a lot of dialogue so I hope that makes up for it!
> 
> Also feel free to leave me some comments and kudos and stuff, the feedback is appreciated and also I am very lonely! Let me know how I'm doing so far!

Rey stops, startled into frozenness by Ben’s sudden appearance.

“Are we just going to stand here and stare at each other again? Because I can cut down our meeting by a few minutes now and start yelling if you want to get it over with,” he deadpans, regarding her with a bored look that’s a tad overdone. 

His sense of humor reminds her of his father, and the reminder makes her want to laugh and cry a little at the same time.

“Go for it. I’ve only been screamed at by a political tyrant once so far today, you’d might as well make it an even number” she replies, amusement shining in her eyes at their banter. 

Then she remembers who she’s talking to, and the lightness of their conversation fades as Rey’s features settle into a scowl.

“I _was_ planning on enjoying some privacy, though, so if you could make this short that would be great.”

“You know I have the same amount of control over this thing as you do – which is none, so your privacy will have to wait until The Force deigns to release us” he states calmly, not taking the bait for a fight like Rey expects.  


“Do I know that?” she snaps back. “How do I know that _you’re_ not the one controlling this whole thing? Snoke is dead, and the bond should have stopped, but it hasn’t. You could be using this connection to deceive me, just like your master did. I don’t know anything.”

Ben’s patience doesn’t last long.

“I’ve never lied to you, Rey. Stop being foolish. If I were going to lie, I would have done it in the throne room when I had the chance, not from across the galaxy over a force bond that has me hiding in my room almost constantly, in case it activates and General Hux notices I’m talking to thin air” he huffs, annoyed but still not yelling.

She wishes he would just yell at her. It’s easier for her to pretend she hates him when he yells at her. His calm is unpredictable and dangerous – she has no idea where it comes from or how long it will last, and it has her guard lowering more than is safe.

Desperately trying to hold onto some sort of anger at Ben, Rey stubbornly crosses the room and stalks past him to her bed, laying down and facing pointedly away from him.

“Fine, let’s talk about something else… has Luke Skywalker come to visit you yet?” he asks, sitting on a chair of his own that Rey can’t see.

Her curiosity, as always, gets the better of her. “Excuse me?”

“Luke Skywalker. His force ghost? Jedi don’t just die, or at least they don’t have to. They can return themselves to the force, and live on as… apparitions, I guess. I suspect he will make an appearance soon, if he hasn’t already,” Ben shrugs at the end of his statement.

“No, he hasn’t. Why, has he been to see you?” Where is Rey’s resolve? She can’t find it. How does he do that?

“Not yet. But I know he will. He told me as much… on Crait, before I attacked him.”

His eyebrows crease with worry as he stares at his hands, twisting them in his lap. Rey doesn’t expect him to be _afraid_ of Skywalker, but it’s clear that he is. 

“I guess I’d be nervous about seeing someone too, if I’d tried to kill him twice” Rey mutters, and she knows it’s a low blow the second the words leave her mouth.

“We’ve been over this,” he snarls, “You know what he did! I have nothing to be guilty for!” Ben defends himself, putting his hands on his knees and squeezing them like he intends to stand up.

“Then why are you afraid to confront him?” Rey asks calmly, calling his obvious bluff.

He shakes his head. “I’m not, I…” he trails off, knowing the words are untrue. “I don’t know” he mutters after several seconds of pause, returning to staring at his twisted fingers.

A silence falls over the room, and it might be an awkward moment if such a thing were possible between two sworn enemies who appear in each other’s rooms periodically over a magical connection they share.

Quietly, Rey asks, “…does your dad come to visit you?”

Ben shakes his head. “He can’t, that’s a Jedi-exclusive power. But in another sense, he does… every night, in my dreams.”

“Nightmares?” she asks, finding herself pitying him despite herself – she’s no stranger to the concept of being tormented by her parents while she sleeps.

“Sometimes” he mutters so quietly it’s almost a whisper. “But sometimes they’re good dreams, too. We’re playing cards in the Millennium Falcon and he’s swearing at me as I win but petting my hair and grinning so I know that he doesn’t mean it…or he’s putting me to bed with some crazy story about his latest adventure in space with Chewbacca, and I accuse him of making it up but he swears on my mother’s life that it’s true and then begs me not to tell her he said that…” 

Ben smiles a little absent-mindedly as he speaks, but Rey can tell that the memories hurt him to recall.

“But then the next night I see me killing him in excruciating detail, and every bone in my body wants to stop it, and I know that the good dreams only happen to make my guilt worse,” he finishes, and then stiffens as he realizes what he’s just admitted to.

“I didn’t mean– “

But Rey interrupts him before he can backtrack, because they both know it’s too late for that.

“I still have the same nightmare every night, of my parents leaving me on Jakku. I’ve been having it nightly since I can remember… I don’t sleep much.”

She’s not sure why she shares this with him – maybe his vulnerability sparked some of her own to shine through, but for whatever reason the spell they both seem to be under in this moment keeps her from being embarrassed.

They both just look at each other, comforted by their sameness, by having someone who gets it. 

Then the force bond abruptly ends like a popped bubble, shimmering in the air around Rey as she sinks into her mattress with exhaustion. She didn't realize she was so tired, but it makes sense. It had been a long day _before_ she'd talked to Ben twice, and he takes her energy with him when he leaves.

The last thing she remembers before falling asleep is his words from so long ago in a hut on Ahch-To, echoing in her head once, faintly: _you’re not alone._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever so I'm super sorry in advance. I don't have an editor so if there's a typo or something let me know and I'll fix it! Also I'm a huge Star Wars fan, and I've seen all of the movies a billion times, but I haven't read any of the books or anything and I haven't, like, memorized every scene, so if something I write is glaringly canonically impossible and it's driving you crazy, let me know and I'll fix that, too! I have no idea if this is any good lmao. Feel free to DM me on instagram @Jeff_the_Slender if you wanna chat!


End file.
